not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
