if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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