Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
