community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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