You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
