so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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