i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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