There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
