I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
