I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
