I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
