It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
