Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
