Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
