I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
