If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
