I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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