So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
they need to just BURY HIM!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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