Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
