Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
