I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
