I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
