I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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