Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
