I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
