Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you had me at cake vodka
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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