Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
