I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
