OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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