He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
