It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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