shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
