Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
