he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
