im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think weed is turning my hair brown
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
