So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
