Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
