ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
