mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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