I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
