i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
