I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
