god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
