why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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