youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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