i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the day after is always just damage control
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
