Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
