I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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