I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
