You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
