I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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