guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
