today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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