I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
