Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
