She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
