Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Randomize
