Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Two words: blizzard sex
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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