Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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